i really regret asking you. i ask you is becoz you are once my best frien yet you last min back off. forget it, i really dun 1 2 see you anymore. bcoz it really sucks, and im super piss off. i dun even wish to see you appear on tat day. after everything is settle i will delete you from my memory. and delete everything that is abt your stuff. i dun 1 2 cry anymore. no point cryin over a person like you.

wow it's been 2 mths pluz since i last blog haha... dun really haf the time to blog due to busy at work and alot of things to do. think i will less bloggin liao le. recently being addicted to mahjong computer game haha... will blog again when im free

today super angry, who do you think you are. tis is suppose to be ur jobscope and not mine, y m i the one who's suppose to contact the manager, since u want to take the credit you shld be the one who's doin this job n not me. dun haf experience nor qualification only noe hw to bootlick. i wonder wat ur bf see in u. i pray tat u get ur karma ASAP juz like wat happen when u go back to ur hometown being robbed by ur own ppl. hate tis kind of cunning ppl....

i'm loving you more n more each day. especially the look in ur eyes on last sun nite 31 may 09.

hmmm... long time no blog, since the gathering at bbq i've been busy preparing my wedding preparation until no time to surf net haha... bought LG phone last weekend. last nite went to select my photo. our selection was fast spent 2 hrs at the bridal shop and everi thing was done. the next time i go down will be viewing the layout for my ablum.

was quite unhappy for the outcome, bcoz the fake eye lashes cover my eyes, i cant even c my own eyes. all the pic i saw is my eyes are close. tats y we spend only 2 hrs bcoz i chose only those pic tat i can c my eyes are open. was pretty upset, at the photoshoot the MUA comment tat my gown do not need the push up effect so she didn help me at all, which makes me veri piss off liao. then now the picture are totally ruin by the fake eye lashes. bloody hell... if im rich i confirm request retake again. the life time picture are all ruin by the fake eye lashes. i told dear that on the actual day i dun 1 2 stick on any fake eye lashes liao. i ask the make up artist to do the make up abit not like me but not totally cannt c my eyes lor. think of the pic n the photo shoot im really veri piss off. KNN.... seeing the outcome suppose to be happy but for me im not happy at all.. i keep on grumble... how i wish clock can turn back again, i wun stick on the eye lashes

my heart is gettin more hatred. i dont feel any luv at all, im countin down towards the day that i get the key to my house. sometimes i wonder to myself, will i ever drop a single tear for my dad. towards him, i only have hatred, the reason i settle down early oso bcoz of him, so that i can officially move out of this stupid house n no longer need to face him.

1st post in the new month, wat am i busy with recently. went to Bukit Tinggi last weekend during Labour Day, quite fun but veri hot haha.. and the place we stay looks like the castle in europe style haha... food over there is exp. after comin back the next day went to shop for furniture with his whole family. we shop almost half a day. damn tiring, lucky our house come in 2 yrs later if not i think my legs is goin to kill me.

now we are waiting for Kit or Sally to cal us up for the photo selection, and this week goin to his house and select the photo montage so that we can pass it to Ah Boon friend to help us do the photo montage. 2nd thing goin to have a meet up with the supplier for the wedding favors, 3rd thing got to book a health check up appointment which i intend to do it maybe next mth. 4th thing got to select a date for the guo da li which i guess shld be ard end of june time ba. the last thing which i really havin a headache will be the guest list n the sister thing. haizz... i really wish the friends whom i've been close with can participate in my big day. but then again, as wat joey mention before, "you never ask how would you know whether they want to help anot. dun assume it, juz ask it"


are my close friends goin to help mi celebrate my hens nite?? i tot of goin to taiwan for a week with Stacey they all, but then again money counts haha... since Lum n Seng planning to go Phuket for the bachelor nite y cant i go taiwan or somewhere near near like Batam or Bintan oso can haha... i really wish to relax myself n enjoy myself b4 i step into another new step. i wish to go to places i nv been b4 like st james n zouk haha...

i dreamt of joo gong last nite, hmmm when is the last time i dreamt of her i think is last yr ba. or even 2 yrs ago, dreamt abt her in short hair haha... and we chattin outside the toilet in her house kitchen, if i dun remember wrong haha... although i know she wun cut her hair short but she do look nice in my dream. i dream that we are watching movie together with the group, when is the last time i have watch movie with the group i think is years back le ba. is this a hint from you that i shld join them more often so that i can dream of you haha... anyway the dream is so real juz like we've watch the movie not long before haha... i do miss you, whenever i think of you i cant hold my tears. you are always constantly in my mind. how i wish i got the 3rd eye to see you lol~~~

after finishin takin the PS yesterday was so shag and i couldn even get up to go to work, so i took urgent leave for today haha.... thinkin back the more i think of Kit the more i think he looks like the Feng De Lun haha... was fun for the PS enjoy myself how i wish can go back take again haha.... i think i'm falling in luv with the PS haha... maybe next time can go back take again probably with the whole family or our 10 yr weddin anni haha...

after the gathering with Stacey last week, i really should treasure them. they are the friends i have spend with in my sch days. i promise that i will find time to meet up with them and not MIA hehe... hope i can go back to your group

yesterday went to the final gown selection for my evening gown, in the end not much of the colour or design tat i like. so took back the first evening gown that i reserve when i went there for the 1st time. afternoon came back for the trial make up
veri happy for the effect n i keep on taking picture of myself haha....

like this pic, but the eyes abit side way looking of it haha... n my poor dolphin not only even half the body is inside the pic haha...




inside the car



ghostly pic of me haha...



act cute of me haha...



look so weird haha...



do i look even fierce enough or juz a black face after all haha




both of us in his car while waiting for my family to come down.

i wonder is it the gers use to protect me, tats y nw whatever things i say out muz be veri careful especially in a small n complicated with so many politic company. my ex colleague juz told me tat she draw a distance from me. she keep on sayin tat other ppl wun think like the way i do, i noe tat everi time i dun use my brain to think of the impact n consequences i juz bluntly say out, although i meant no harm but maybe to other ppl it really matters alot. hw m i suppose to change this where i have survive with this character for so long. haizz... last time in Brady i dun see any polictic like wat i saw in my current company. haizz... is it my thinkin really still at children time or i didn grow up at all or i simply cannt click with those ppl who is much more older than me. looks like next time i muz be a mute ger in work life liao le. i muz only work n nt chit chat or gossip if not more n more ppl will draw the distance away from me even though she no longer work in my company. haizzz.... workin life is so complicated how i wish i still a child live with no worries. i really miss those sec sch days, can i go back to the time where we still studying?? i really dun 1 2 work in this company whom is full of politic, everi thing i do i say muz be careful. im the type tat y cares wat other ppl are thinkin sometimes i really think tat these ppl really think too much. haizzz...

hmmm... had a long chat wif joey today. looks like tml got to ask dear out to have a chat le. wat shld i do to make u guys come out, have send sms but no definite anz. wat can i do other than sms. call??? well, take a step at a time ba, i tried my best le.

was watching youtube video earlier on, didn noe that ya lun was afraid of heights same as me sia haha... but 1 thing he keeps alot of facial products in his bag wor, while yi ru likes to keep his own photo in his bag. da dong luvs his appearance alot n he wun allow tat his hair to be messy. haha... saw a video where wu zhun was kissing ya lun n da dong was kissing yi ru, but yi ru keep on rejecting haha... so funny n abit gross lol... yi ru say tat although the 4 of them are quite gd friends but not to the extend of kissing each other haha... i laugh until almost cry out liao haha... sibei funny, yesterday went to follow the pillow which i custom made from the taiwan, have their picture on it wor hehe... the other nite juz haf a dream of them. simply luv them too much le haha...

had a tiring day. busy keying 46 days of sales into the spreadsheet. faint.... next time shld not find a retail or F&B line job. it's a tiring thing once u are on leave n ur colleague couldn cover for you. then u are goin to die when u go back to office. haha....

thinking back, since last week i start to have this emotion thing maybe is due to Joey's reaction. maybe i mind or think too much le, juz like wat dear everi time say to me. i really think too much or im too sensitive le. it seems to me that i'm a invisible to her whenever she got problem she always tok to Maggie, maybe they are good friends n good ex colleague. but now i noe that Joey didn really treat me as invisible still can chat wif her. maybe is only me that really think too much le.

than came to my cousin, was really hurt when i read her email. she keep on sayin that i have changed in sense of my attitude to her, n she keep on pouring wet blanket on me. i noe she worried for me but wat i need is the support from her n nt keep on pouring wet blanket. 及然她把我说的以问不之 so what for i still need contact with her. i shld not contact her at all from now on. i tot she really noe me but in the end all i can see from her is all the bad comments. i heard enough of these comments, from work n from her. this is the path i choose so y dun u congrats me n not keep on pouring wet blanket. i hafn even married yet n u already curse me divorce is miserable. WTF.... i really hate her...


突然间我发现我真的无法承受那么多的打击。one come after another. it's really veri tiring you know. thinkin back all these years, i really didn spent much with you guys. my world suddenly become only him but no one else. 可能是因为我太依赖他了没有了他我真得无法想像我还能不能自持的住. from not really like him until now i cannt live without him. i did try to make a gathering but it turn out all not successful hw come. i oso dunno haizz... everi time i tried to organise a gathering, the response is always negative or juz totally no news at all. 我真的心毁一冷了，一次又一次的failure. i still remember last time we use to have a meet up on everi sat. but rite now, i still remember there's once i went out with you all, n the words u all tok i totally dun understand. frm there then i realise i couldn walk into the world u guys have. wat APL, n blah blah blah~~~~~ all i totally dunno at all. maybe tat time i give up le. i couldn blame anyone for this but myself.

finally take back my computer. finally can surf the net can start to DL songs liao haha.... after yesterday at Mandai, i realise that i cant be so selfish even though i quarrel wif my cousin, n so many ppl dun even realise my existence but so wat. i stil haf the ppl who raise me up. from young due to lack of mother love i told myself that next time i want to get married n settle down n haf my own children n give them lots of luv. this has been my aim, yet my cousin say tat i married so early is to run away the issue that me n my dad keep on quarreling. i admit tis is part of the reason also, main issue is i really want to have my own family can't i??
although my pay is low, but i've been trying veri hard to save up money also. i've been thinking n imagine so much until my head goin to explode soon. i think next time i will have senile i will soon forget everi ppl.

had a change of new blogskin hehe.... was wondering to get a LG Cookie or LG Ice Cream phone. in the end i think get LG Cookie phone is better, as the review is better than the LG Ice Cream.


just saw my cousin reply frm the email, she has i haf change to the worse n i look stuck up. do I??? but she's my cousin she jolly noe me well wat. wat makes her to believe in a guy which i haf never even see him before. wat makes her believe in a stranger than her own cousin. like wat i told stacey, is ALL MY FAULT. my karma is punishing on me.

saw my cousin last nite at hougang mall, somehow can sense that she no longer want to tok to mi anymore. she dun even want to look at me for the second time. i did try my best, i send sms to her, send her greeting cards as i always does. since she dun 1 2 have anythin to do with me. then shall be, it seems to me tat everi since SH is gone things in my life has change. i can no longer click with my sec sch friends, no longer who i can confide with. i could only blog or rather write in my diary. for sure im a loner. or rather a anti social after all. it use to be my wish to stay together with my friends, go trip with my friends. but rite now, i seems to a invisible after all. no one will ever remember who m i. maybe i shld change my name to Chen Xinyi. she's a ger who no one will ever notice her existence. i think my fate is the same as her in the Taiwan TV Drama. in work is the same as in my personal life. will i ever be remember by my friends or they dun even will remember it.

My heart no longer pumps, no longer looking forward to a brand new day. for me i only noe u wun noe wat happen tml. maybe tis min im here and the next min im gone. tis has been my thinkin ever since the early start of the yr. feel like i've having depression haha... have been thinkin those bad things. i wish i can go back to the sec sch time where all the friends are always hang together. or i rather not to be born in this world. i want to be love, i want to be notice by ppl, but all is not goin to come true.

My heart is experiencing abit of pain, is this a hinting to me that treasure everi min n everi sec i have in my life??? or is it telling me that i won't be able to survive to witness i set up a family of my own???

whenever i see stacey blog i felt more n more outsider, watever they tok i dun understand a word at all. is it bcoz im the one who let go of everi thing. once mirror broken no matter hw u mend it stil have a scar no longer can be the same as last time.

im getting abit sian of my current company liao. haizz tot of quitting this job, but my wedding is only 7 mths away cannt lose the income of my study n wedding n honeymoon haizzz... is so sickening. i noe dear is trying hard to let me have a gd life. tats y i oso keep on enduring with this company n the ppl over here. sometimes i really wish i will stay as a child forever. as least baby got no problems only know how to cry n play. haiz...

long time no come in blog liao. last sun just went down to bridal concept and have my 1st gown fitting hehe... so tiring trying so many pcs of wedding gown n evening gown haha... 2nd time of fitting will be end of next month liao. on the same day i try my 1st gown fitting we also bought our wedding band at Soo Kee. now have to go find my wedding shoes, my wedding gifts and the wine and our bed haha... must settle everi thing b4 the 7th lunar. exactly 7 mths to go for my wedding.

wat are friends for. to concern you when u are upset, to share laughter with you when they are happy, to share sadness when they are sad. i dun haf any friends at all
i'm a person with no tml. my world don't exist for tml. wat will happen to me for tml nobody noes, maybe i might juz slp n slp juz like slppin beauty forever slpping n no waking up. i lost my friends years back. this is the path i choose, i nid to continue on my own. y shld i honour my promise to other ppl when other ppl dun even honour their promise to me. why m i the one to give in. why... i'm so sick of this world even though i haf the one i luv the most. if i haf a chance i rather nt born in this world. i rather join my frien SH in the other world. maybe the day will soon arrive.

so fast tml is the chinese new yr eve liao. another yr past again, tis yr is my ox year wor haha... tot of having a ox baby but i dun think is possible for me to do tat haha... anyway wish everybody a happy chinese new yr HUART AR~~~~~

countin down to knock off time, today is super borin i finish my work and nthing for me to do liao haha... and my aunt is comin back from perth takin the mid nite plane so shld reach singapore by tml early mornin. lookin forward to their return from perth. tis time round they are stayin for ard 3 weeks hehe... can c my long time cousin liao, later my uncle is goin to say me again haha.... every year is the same lucky only let him say once a yr nia haha...

back from Kukup, had a great fun over there. play 1 whole day of mahjong hehe... and follow them to see the guys playin the fire cracker. back to work again so sian, now been following the taiwan drama you are my destiny not a bad show hehe...

happy 23 birthday to myself, hehe... today on leave to celebrate my bday wif my dear. later he fetchin me up in another 25 mins, after that goin to Lovelyinn place to collect my item then after that i think is goin to Royal Plaza located at Scotts Road to have lunch buffet hehe... following that will be catching the Red Cliff 2 movie at Ang Mo Kio hub. i think after the movie maybe have a early dinner b4 proceeding to my lesson at CPA house, which is so sian. haizzz... wat a day to spend. a lesson on my bday. anyway almost my wish has come truth, except i never win a 1st prize in 4D b4 haha... anyway i got to go prepare liao. may i have a beautiful day for the whole day.

no time to blog, last nite busy catching up with the little nyonya show haha... countin down to my 23rd bday hehe... and 8 more mths to my wedding. after my bday the following week goin to bridal concept and have my 1st gown fitting hehe... abit nervous n anxious, still dunno wat design i want. his sister n 2 nephews is tagging along also haha... his sister say she 1 2 go kpo abit lol... i saw the display gown quite nice looking. maybe will reserve that piece or wait for sally the co-ordinator to recommend ba. hehe...

today is the 1st day of the yr 2009. so fast tml sch reopens n i got to start my part time course oso. lucky i only take up 1 course this yr haha.... so sian... next fri is my 23rd bday, times flies so fast haha... after my bday the following week goin to have my gown fitting hehe... juz nw went to a few places to check out the places which we want to take for our outdoor shoot. i found 1 place quite nice but got to walk up the slope, veri shack leh imagine i got to wear the outdoor gown n walk the way up haha... got to discuss with the photographer as time comes. next weekend goin kukup hehe... can go there play mahjong liao haha