Dream

dardar last night i was just asking if you can come to my dream and you did but is so unreal because i saw you coming back to life. is it you also wish that you can come back to life too? are you blaming me? xiao gu n marilyn came back specially to accompany me im doing ok with their companion but once im alone i start to miss you and your voices. what am i going to do. xiao gu ask me not to keep blaming myself but i cant help it. without ur financial support how am i going to survive. we are so used to your chauffering of fetching us here n there. now we got to take public transport. everybody used to say i have a tai tai life n even ah ma also say i had a good life but now i no longer had that anymore. who is going to protect us from now. who is going to protect me. who is going to protect the kids. i really wish it did happen that you come back to life. where are you now. i miss your voice but i couldnt find any video of you. all are the kids and when is the last time we even took a couple pic. all the pic are the family pic. i can no longer shop as freely as i can. why you dont want to continue pamper me why. since you have pamper me since 2004 why not continue why. i can no longer go back to the usual life that i used to have. nobody is going to pamper me pamper the kids from now on.

First day without you around

dardar, jenny offer to fetch the kids to sch for this whole week. next week onwards they will be on their own liao. the sch principal say they will arrange sch bus to pick them up. didi heard if morning need to take train to sch he abit reluctant i told him there will be sch bus. he say he will take sch bus. but coming back part i dont know if the 2 boys want to continue take mrt back home or take sch bus. since now we have already apply for the FAS and sch bus is free for us. i dont what time the boys slept last night but for me i really is cry until slp. even now when im typing here i still trying to hold my tears. will i cry until im blind ma. i have been crying since last thurs. i really miss you so much to the extent i went to customise a plushie with your face in it. and i also browse through our picture our last couple pic is in year 2020. ever since got the kids we always take pic of the kids we hardly had a couple pic. i miss holding your hands. i miss your warmth. i miss your hug thats why i went to customise the plushie with your face in it. so i can hug it i just want a hug from you. and to replace the space that is empty at the bed. dar you know now i will go apply any financial scheme i have right even though i know ur cpf can last me for quite sometime. but i still got until end of this year to go and plus if can i also dont wish to bother your sis too much. when you are around that time you always dont like to bother people also. but your sis now is holding the bai jin for me and even though i somehow abit dont like it but nvm since your sis say will transfer to me if i need the money.

Something is amiss

dear you know the 2 boys say they cant slp because something is missing which is you. i also feel the same as them. i miss talking to you. i have been blaming myself is it my fault if i should go to the room and see what is the thing that falls down. maybe you will be save? is it all my fault that you left us forever? i have never expect that things fall down is you. our study room always got things that fall down but how would i expect it to be you. i know many ppl say i shouldnt blame myself is just a accident but i cant help but blame myself for it. that the 3 kids lost their dad at such young age. you know the 2 boys are so close to you. i scare i cant do as well as you did with the boys.

Heartbroken day

i miss you alot dear really. what m i going to do without you in my life from now on. i miss talking to you. complaining to you about the kids. im so used to your snoring your sleep talk occasionally. but now i got to get used without having you in my life. who can i talk to who can i share my daily affair