dream

daradar, i got so much things to tell you just that this week no time to come inside here to tell you. last sun brought ur gal to her frien birthday party and you know where is it? is at punggol coast the indoor playground which we pass by that time, then i even tell you probably can bring the kids come here n play. then you for didi n meimei probably yes but not for dylan coz he too big liao le. i didn know that place can hold birthday party some more. then after that bring her go sushi-go have dinner. then we took bus 104, and it was a long journey despite the bus stop is just behind our block. we board the bus at 7pm and by the time we reach home is around 7:30pm liao le. frm sky bright until sky dark haha what a journey. and i think i KO before 10pm on sunday night. i was too tired liao le this week is a busy week for me also, mon went to have my facial then tues went out to meet angeline to discuss our insurance. we need to downgrade the plan coz is way too expensive for me to pay liao le when you are not around. and even if next time i go out work there's no way i can afford it also. so we sign the form to downgrade the plan. then i also ask her if there's any life insurance with savings for the kids. she say she told you to buy last time but u keep on refuse it. if you have bought it then maybe now we not so worried about the money lor. then today i went to kovan to purchase the fish, last sat i went to transfer all the fishes to the small tank so i can wash the big tank. and you know what, all the fishes die except for the sucking fish which is still alive. i went back to buy back the exact same fish and i didn know is so tiny, i ask the sales guy the fish will grow big de ar he say yes will grow de. how come that time i ask you is it the fish grow big you still say this type of small fish wont grow big de. even the sucking fish also grow until big big lor. i also bought another colour of sucking fish. since meimei is so scare of the black colour sucking fish. then after that come back i went for my heart appointment, everything is ok as per what the doctor has say. but still i thinking of doing up a WILL. don't know if i should go find Lum to do it or just get it outside from other lawyer? tml going to the IT show to hunt for the laptop. my laptop sometimes can feel the electric feeling and the top part is so hot, the harvey norman salesguy say the motherboard is dying soon. so hopefully tml can find a laptop thats below $2k. and then fri the boys no sch so thought of bringing them to nex to have lunch. dylan say want to learn how to take bus 104, so i got to teach him how to take the bus back. oh and sis finally ok to open a joint account with me to manage your bai jin, thats after wei long suggest to me de, he say why the bai jin is with her since is meant for me and the kids. and many people also ask me the same question, i told them i got no idea, i only say maybe she scare i anyhow spend money but nevertheless now at least i can see the money and i have the card and withdraw the money as and when. is still not so bad after all. and your big son, ms low call up yesterday and say classmates of dylan highlight to her that dylan keep saying he feel like dying because life is so meaningless. no meaning in life. you know last yr you are aware of his situation and now you are gone his situation might have gone worse. he keep saying he have depression, i told him you know what depression means, he say he is sad of everything. sad of you, sad of exam sad of everything. im scare the pressure on him is high due to the PSLE. and everyone surrounding him keep tell him to do well to make you feel proud. i dont know is it due to this issue thats why he is so sick of life. or is depression inherited? you know junda commit suicide is due to depression, and when i'm young i also got the thought of suicide. i tell sis about it. she say let's spend more time with him and monitor him. he tried to negiotate with me regards to the bedtime, he say he cannt slp so early. i told him get him to be in bed by 9:30pm doesn mean he will fall asleep so fast. i want him to keep his mind clear. and if can proves to me that by 9:30pm he settle everything then i shall nag less at him. which he has done so. i only remind him abt the time. and so far he has been keeping it. i told him to keep it up. oh and that night i dreamt of you again, and this time round you can talk, you say to me you are back. which i think you are, coz 2 weeks ago that saturday meimei de lantern the music suddenly on by itself. and i thought is the boys who are awake and accidentally kick it. but nobody is at the living room. so my only thought is you are trying to wake me up coz the timing is the timing need to bring owen for his swimming lesson. so need to settle his breakfast. oh i also bringing the boys go visit you next week and i also bringing the first batch of kim zua down. whether you can receive it anot is another issue, at least i want to buy for you the thought of it, sis told me not to overbuy. i didn dare show her the batch that i bought yesterday haha...

Disney

dardar how i wish i can show you those disney video showing their room tours. i wonder what you will say. will you even consider going to the cruise? the room is much bigger then RC and so many activities. probably you will say wait for a few more years then we can consider going. i feel like going myself haha but really probably can wait a few years later n bring the kids there. you know the starhub nokia router is down? we have no internet for 2 days, we are now using our mobile phone data. dont know why to me ever since you are gone the house things slowly getting spoil if not is totally spoiled. first is the switch 1, follow by the gameboy which you bought for dylan, thirdly is my laptop going to gone case soon, fourth is the starhub nokia router which don't know why no internet. fifth is the mbr toilet the lights sometimes ok sometimes not ok. lastly one of the fish dead last month. pei jing say because last time you are the one handling all these thats why i never notice it at all.

mood

dardar, last sun went to weilong house as usual for the cny gathering. but this time round we were late coz need to wait for meimei n didi to finish their music n drum lesson. n the didn stayed long also n also notice they never do the lohei as well. not sure is it everybody also dont have the mood like me. and we are the last to leave wei long fetch us home and we are chatting and wei long say if the starhub entertainment we are not watching we should cut down. and as for the bai jin that sis is holding he suggest we open a joint account so i can monitor if not if anything happens again i got no access to it. so i msg sis for suggestion to open a joint account n she agreed. so yesterday we went to nex n open a joint account in ocbc branch n follow by lunch. last night had a argument again with ur boy haiz i really duno hw to communicate with him, his time management is really a issue n no initative which you also aware of it de. n his maths seems to downgrade also, never improve. i also duno is it due to you not around anymore thats why he also cant pull himself up. whenever i passby yakun i always have the memory of you and me having breakfast together. and to think of it that was the last breakfast we had together that day. n on saturday the music lantern at living room suddenly turn on the music, i thought is the boys that wake up accidentally kick it and when i come out nobody is in the living room. and i was telling the boys maybe is ur dad that trying to wake me up coz need to prepare breakfast for owen n get ready to go for swimming lesson. i wish you really in the house but in another form of presence, at least i still can feel you. i duno whether is it really you or just part of my wish thinking. then last night got this mummy she msg me this nurse course and ask me can try. i told her nurse need to work shift and who is going to help take care of my gal in the night. i duno she got no brain or what even though i know her intention is mean well but i got no extra help leh she different she got maid, got fil and got husband. and she only got 1 kid. im different i got 3 kids and plus u no more around so meaning i lagi no more help at all. and i can't afford to continue to go study also. and she knows our 5 yr old gal will be sticky same like her gal and she still can suggest this type of idea to me. rubbish thinking. really is speechless.