oh ya i haven been postin my photos in here. let's see if i can post my weddin photos in here anot haha....

who is going to help me

dardar who is going to help me or give me advice for my study and many other things. i just re-record my video. if i re-record the vide on thurs morning and sitting beisde you, does that mean i can view exactly what happen to you? is all my fault this thing happen, looking at the chair you seating on while doing your work. why you must be the one leave me first. why im not the one instead. why... all of us are not used to it. without you around, i want my hug, i want us to blicker to quarrel to discuss things. i can't always rely on friends, i can only rely on myself. i dont want to grow up i want to continue to live under your care dardar. but where are you now. you protect us for so long why cant you continue protecting us why you must leave us so early. who is going to share drink with me when i cant finish the drink. who is going to bring us for oversea trip, for gathering, for outing. i want you to come back dar, i wish to join you also but we still got 3 kids. they need me. for them i must move on

i miss you

dardar, looking at our past pictures i cant help but still cry, i thought i can manage my sadness and grief but i still miss you alot, i want you to come back to us. why you leave us behind. why!!! just now didi ask me things and i slipped out of my mouth too fast and say go find dad. i'm so used of you in the house. i still cant accept that you have left us for good. i got no mood for anything and everything. the snacks in the storeroom i didn even touch it. no mood to snack no mood to eat. even the drinks that i order for you i also left untouch. this yr cny i also no mood at all. i only know i miss you alot... when i know you im only 18 years old. and we have been together since and how am i suppose to continue my life without you beside me. where can i get the strength from. i really don't know how... if god is there can you help me can you give me the strength to carry on my life... that day i chance upon the cards that i wrote to you when we are still dating. and i wrote you treat me too good until i cant live without you. indeed i cant live without you. if we don't have any kids at all i probably will have go join you liao le. ever since im with you my religion becoming more and more free thinker liao le. got one side of me i really wish to go become christian or even catholic. but then i don't like the talking of long hours haha... first time i keep using tissue for my tears for my nose. when ah ma died i also wont keep on crying for the entire month. it's coming to 1 month ever since you left us. i on off still cry when im alone. god, please give me the strength.. i really need it. i feel like i dont have any strength to move on. i'm stuck at the day that you left us for good. when someone ask me am i managing ok. am i coping well. i just reply yes i'm managing i'm coping well. but the true is i'm not. i don't want ppl to worry about me. will i get depression because i dont have the strength to continue. all my mind is will you come take me away. i guess i need to go find a counsellor soon coz is not healthy for me at all. keep on having these negative thoughts or mind.