uploading

dar, i was uploadinng songs into cloud drive coz without you around i know when will the Nas go corrupted or spoil then all our pictures and video will be all gone. then i slowly transfer those music and pictures. i was browsing through some of the music which happens to be yours. mariah carey song without you, because you love me by celine dion. alot of songs which both of us listen together before, and even the musical drama. our last musical drama is Miss Saigon and Phantom of the Opera. my heart feel so heavy, didi told the counsellor say he feel so bored this cny without you around. even i also feel the same. our live is never gonna be the same again. how am i going to answer to meimei if she ever ask why other children got papa and where is our papa. i dont even know how to answer this to her.

No mood

dar, today is the first day of cny and how to stay happy when im not happy at all. if can i really dont wish to go celebrate cny at all. but for the kids sake i got to go. you are the one love playing mj every time we go mum place. this yr i played on behalf for you. the kids so not used to being take bus around especially dylan, coz he is so used to being chauffer around. not only him i also not used to it. every time we go out you are the one who will drive us around. i duno hw to enjoy the festival for the future without you around. is like my heart also dead the day you were gone. it times take to heal, times take to adapt life without you. thats what many ppl told me. and so fast the first day already ended.

Endure

dar, this year feel so weird without you around. first time bring the kids take bus go your mum place. and after that bring them back taking bus also. just now mum place your fav food at one corner of the table and treat it you are still here. and im holding my tears when im there. im still trying to adapt the life without you around. i know you wont come back to life anymore but somehow in my dream i still wishes you to come back. i wish i can forever stay in that dream. the 5 of us together. i still cant accept the fact you are gone. sometimes im blaming you that you never take good care of your health. your death is so sudden for me to accept it. yesterday brought the kids to genki to eat for dinner and when otw back home owen spoil a water bottle at the miniso. i told the staff go ask your boy for money then. i just walk off, i angrily scold your boy. this wouldnt have happen if you still here. the kids not scare of me. only scare of you. this year suppose to be your zodiac year yet you are not around to enjoy the year. i totally dont have the mood at all and i cant seems to be happy at all also. wanted to cny goodies this year end up also never bake. coz no mood at all. all i feel is sadness and emptiness

surprise

dar, i went to a counsellor yesterday. and i know i had to go counselling coz my mental mind is not good at all. coz i got the thought of joining you at the other end but the 3 children is my strength especially meimei. seeing her makes me happy. for their sake i got to pull myself up. and i'm reading the book that the counsellor pass to me and i'm quite surprise that many widows eventually become christian. which i don't understand. the book is Strength to Live, is compiled by over 30 widows which i'm like really so many? just now one of the fellow widow mummy came over, she bought some plushie n goodies for your kids. her hub same thing as you also heart attack but he was only 35 yr old. last time you always say what if you die first what will happen, we never really had a talk about it. if time can go back i will really tell u that stop being so selfish you should consider us more. go for body checkup. i believe you ignore those symptoms and thus this thing happen. the book mention health issue which most widow will worry what happen if they also had the same issue as the spouse n the kids will become orphan. this is exactly what i'm thinking also. this book wrote alot of what i feel. and now i'm back to my intermitten fasting again. coz i got no time to eat liao le or rather not much of appetite also. without you around i also don't eat much and to think my fav snacking i also cut down until i myself also don't really believe it. but i bought bubble tea that day, i drank it and feel so shiok about it. i should pamper myself more but i rather save on myself and spend more on your kids instead. thats what you did to them isn't it.

daily life

dar, is been 1 month ever since you left us. i rather you come back then depend on your money to live on. last fri meimei told me she misses papa, i went to print out our family picture and intend to put it at our wall, i so scare the kids will forget how you look like eventually when they grow up. especially meimei coz she only 5 yr old. to think that her first time of taking plane with you could be her last with you. i have make appointment myself with counsellor tml. i also need help. last week i met up with another fellow mummy whom lost her hub 2 yrs ago, her hub is even younger. same thing as you but he only age 35. n her 2 kids is even younger then ours. hers back then is only like 5-6 yr old. and now they can tell their mummy that they already forgotten how their dad looks like despite their family is full of their dad de picture. then she told me for the past 2 yrs none of their in law mention about her hub name also. and then slowly the hub friends used to hang out together now also seldom meet up. i also afraid this will happen to your 3 kids as well. i dont want them to forgot you. i want them to remember your doting on them your laughter your scolding your playing your teaching etc.... i also scare your bunch of friends also will meet up less since you not around anymore. but i think we will still meetup like when you were still around i guess? i was told to slowly process my grief. as i was writing this i still tears. there's so much to tell you. you know tyler our neighbour he had ADHD, which we didn even know about it. i met up with his mum last week and i was told she quit her job in sept last yr to take care of tyler. she say tyler is now taking medicine for the ADHD and is quite severe type. then i told her about you, coz now the 2 boys is taking sch bus to sch, so she ask what happen. yesterday jenny fetch us out for dinner together with Zhongren they all, then we are chit chattting about your kids. you know what your small son did ma. first he went to reset your apple password on the day you cremate. then he went to purchase roblox credit. dylan told me he keep on hearing those purchase sound and i'm like cannot be coz you never save your credit card details in it. but i was wrong i re-login n notice you paid for some subscription so i went to remove your card payment instead. then dylan ask permission for 1 game so i paid for it. then subsequently on the 24 jan your small son hack into dylan roblox account n steal all his items away if not is delete the items away. then make dylan cry so in return i purchase some credit for dylan. and i forgot to remove the payment method. your small son did the apple reset password again on the 6 feb and went to purchase roblox credit and minecraft subscription. i scolded him, then in the night dylan told me can he beat owen up i ask why. he say coz he anyhow spend money i told him is ok i already scold him. i told them if i cant discipline the 2 of you i will pass the discipline to your 姑丈 i told them he is even more fierce then you. and dylan give a look at me. i told you i will try not to keep on scold them. dylan is so scare of my nagging now haha i told him i use to nag at your dad but since now your dad is not here i got no choice but to nag at you. yesterday i also make them change their bedsheet together with me. didi got to take his whole junk of plushie out before i can change the bedsheet. now i know why u dislike changing their bedsheet coz of their plushie.

oh ya i haven been postin my photos in here. let's see if i can post my weddin photos in here anot haha....

who is going to help me

dardar who is going to help me or give me advice for my study and many other things. i just re-record my video. if i re-record the vide on thurs morning and sitting beisde you, does that mean i can view exactly what happen to you? is all my fault this thing happen, looking at the chair you seating on while doing your work. why you must be the one leave me first. why im not the one instead. why... all of us are not used to it. without you around, i want my hug, i want us to blicker to quarrel to discuss things. i can't always rely on friends, i can only rely on myself. i dont want to grow up i want to continue to live under your care dardar. but where are you now. you protect us for so long why cant you continue protecting us why you must leave us so early. who is going to share drink with me when i cant finish the drink. who is going to bring us for oversea trip, for gathering, for outing. i want you to come back dar, i wish to join you also but we still got 3 kids. they need me. for them i must move on

i miss you

dardar, looking at our past pictures i cant help but still cry, i thought i can manage my sadness and grief but i still miss you alot, i want you to come back to us. why you leave us behind. why!!! just now didi ask me things and i slipped out of my mouth too fast and say go find dad. i'm so used of you in the house. i still cant accept that you have left us for good. i got no mood for anything and everything. the snacks in the storeroom i didn even touch it. no mood to snack no mood to eat. even the drinks that i order for you i also left untouch. this yr cny i also no mood at all. i only know i miss you alot... when i know you im only 18 years old. and we have been together since and how am i suppose to continue my life without you beside me. where can i get the strength from. i really don't know how... if god is there can you help me can you give me the strength to carry on my life... that day i chance upon the cards that i wrote to you when we are still dating. and i wrote you treat me too good until i cant live without you. indeed i cant live without you. if we don't have any kids at all i probably will have go join you liao le. ever since im with you my religion becoming more and more free thinker liao le. got one side of me i really wish to go become christian or even catholic. but then i don't like the talking of long hours haha... first time i keep using tissue for my tears for my nose. when ah ma died i also wont keep on crying for the entire month. it's coming to 1 month ever since you left us. i on off still cry when im alone. god, please give me the strength.. i really need it. i feel like i dont have any strength to move on. i'm stuck at the day that you left us for good. when someone ask me am i managing ok. am i coping well. i just reply yes i'm managing i'm coping well. but the true is i'm not. i don't want ppl to worry about me. will i get depression because i dont have the strength to continue. all my mind is will you come take me away. i guess i need to go find a counsellor soon coz is not healthy for me at all. keep on having these negative thoughts or mind.

guilt

dardar, i dream of you again. is our usual breakfast place and i was talking to you about why you nv apply DPS, why you never make the WILL why you never make additional car owner in your car etc... and all you do is smile at me while i do the talking. are you blaming me that why i didn save you in time? or why i never go check in the study room? do you know i have been living this guilt and self blame ever since you are gone. i can never forgive myself at all. if im curious enough to go check in the study room does that mean you will be save?

memories

dar, just now i bring the kids to compass point genki for dinner. then when i was eating i was crying inside my heart. coz the memories of you having dinner or lunch with us. who will share the drink with me. who will eat those food which i don't eat de. we always pass to you to eat. but just now nobody to pass to. i'm also trying to put up a strong front. but i know deep down my heart im crying already. even now while im typing i also feel like crying but im just controlling only. i have also book a car refresher. owen keep asking me to drive car. you know i got no confidence in driving coz im so scare. and the responsibility taken is even higher. i'm so afraid i cant do as well as you are. last time always ask them to find you but now all look for me and i got no answer for them. i'm not as smart as you are. i dont even know why you will choose me for your wife when im so stupid. all i know is cook and care for them. all those sch work i know nothing at all. i can't even help them. i feel so useless. you know you are the man that can do all things so well. taking care of the family so well. everytime u say u are like taking care of 4 kids, i also feel like i'm a kid that cant grow up. i think i ever asked you before why choose me to be ur gf when your condition is so good but i can't remember what you say le. i was looking back at our past pictures from young to old. and when was the last time we had a couple pic. i couldnt even find any recent de. all are with the kids. sometimes taking the lrt i cant help but will try to cry but i hold back, how to forget and control myself.

how

dar, today i went to find dr choi to do blood test since the DPS im applying also request me to have the latest blood results. then i tell dr choi i want to do the ECG since of your episode and last 3 weeks i told him i don't know is it due to my emotional stress or psychology issue my heart feel very heavy. there are times whereby i need to have a deep breathing. and just now the ECG results doesn look good. dr choi say my heart rate is indeed quite low. so he going to refer me to heart specialist at SKH. and i receive the appointment quite fast and is after CNY. i don't know how the outcome will be. but i need to write a WILL ASAP. pei jing say death is not scary the one who suffer is normally the one who live behind. i cant bear the thought if really something happen to me the kids how. although nothing is done yet i should not think so much. but i cant help not to think since my mum died of cardiac arrest or heart attack. what are the chances that i wont get it. and owen had asthma some more. all could be link. i'm praying that the DPS can be approved and at least the kids will have something the next time i'm not around. but for their sake i will try to lose weight try to stay healthy try my all means to bring them up. the thought of them being an orphan i can't imagine that. and my dad i only left me also. no matter what i will try my very best to stay as healthy as i can. to protect my heart protect the kids.

rely

dar, i rely on you so much ever since we got married. you do everything i don't even need to do anything at all. from housework to fetching the kids to buying food for them etc.. all are done by you. you are the best man that i have ever know in my life. is it heaven see that im too used to having such a good life thus take you away from me. and makes me start everything over again. last time when im single i do all household in hougang because ah ma is old. now i got to redo all the household again. haiz dar i saw the sleepwear u wore the night before hanging at the stand there. i immediately take n sniff n then kept it inside the wardrobe. i intend to vacuum pack the towel, the clothes and even the pillow case. i want to maintain the last scent of you. i even have the thought of bringing it with me when i die the next time i sound pervert but thats the only way i can have it this way, i don't wish to and i don't want to touch or throw any of your things away. i have been crying on and off for the past 2 weeks. whenever i think of you i just cry. i cant help it or control it. the tears just cant but flowing down. whenever people ask about you i will talk until cry. my heart feel so empty feel so lonely. whenever i see the wallpaper is you i'm always missing you. feel like hugging you again. will we ever meet again ma. will we still meet again the next life? i still want to be with you i still want to marry you. the remaining days or life without you around feels weird and lonely. like what owen say de feel so lonely without you around. yes i agree with him. coz deep down in my heart i do feel lonely. im so loss without you around. im just like a baby need to learn everything. you make me rely on you so much until now im so not used to it. you never pre-empt me that is time for me to be independent. is never easy for me and for my mental health. i know i need to seek help, i need to go for counselling for myself also. after i settle down i will seek appointment at the grief support group. i duno if they can help me. but i know im not alone im just not used to it. coz we are together for so many years and suddenly im alone.

can't bear

dar, today when im about to wash the clothes i wanted to take the towel you last used and put it to wash. but there's a smell of ur body in it. and somehow i put it back to the toilet and kept it hanging there. i can't bear to wash it coz have your smell. the thought of the smell makes me think of you think that you are still inside the house. i can't bear to throw away any of your clothes either. until now whenever i talk to the boys about you i cant help to cry. just like dad say this dad say that. once the word dad is out of my mouth i cant help but to cry. today meimei show me her drawing then i ask why no papa. she say papa is sleeping and black black so she don't like. then i tell her must remember how papa looks like in white colour. i guess she refering to the cremation that day. i told the boys later on go carpark and take a picture of the car and them. and let them sit inside the car for the last time. if not no more chance liao le. they wanted me to keep the car but who is going to pay for the monthly instalment when im not even working. your cpf money is meant for them to study in future if they ever get into university. i cant use that money. ur savings i will keep it for them also. you know i dont anyhow spend money other than buy toys for them. but that is on taobao nia. now i also try not to spend so much liao le. is enough to last us for many yrs, just now korkor ask me so the taiwan trip in dec are we still proceeding. i told him to go ask ur sister. i wish to bring him go but i don't know if i will be in the right mind ma. will i still be griefing or can i handle the 3 kids myself if go oversea ma. i think ur sis also will be worried if i bring them go myself. is been 2 weeks since u left us. until now there's not a single day i never think of you or miss you. i always wish time can turn back to the day you were gone. i really wish there's a second life.

I wish

dar i really wish the one who is dead is me and not you. i really cannt communicate with your sons. you say that no wonder they hate me. they must be thinking that why the one who is dead is you and not me. i also wish that could happen to me instead. at least they will respect you. they dont even respect me at all. i got no stand in this family you know right. sometimes i really wish to join you and wash hands off entirely. im so freaking tired. why heaven never come take me away why take you away instead. i feel my life might get shorten over the next few years. who knows maybe next yr i also same as you. i think i really need to go seek help soon liao le. coz i know my mental is really not so good now

how long more

dardar i dont know how long more i can stop crying whenever i think of you. every single little thing that i does i always think of you. washing the dish i cry because i think of you. just now ur colleague Louis and Director shirley came over to collect ur work laptop and ipad and workpass etc... when i spoke to them about you i cant help but want to cry liao... i told them your colleagues and ex colleagues and vendor and ex vendor is all around singapore. when i say that i think of the words that i told you before. that i cannt cheat on you de because your friend is all around singapore later they caught me cheating. and i was laughing when i told you this and you still say yes u got spy all around singapore. every single words that we talk about is all inside me. how am i going to survive for the next decades without you. without your nonsense and your jokes. and your laughter. i dare not move your water bottle in the study room. clearing your stuff i saw those paper with your handwriting on it i also cant bear to throw away. looking at the mess at home i always think of you nagging at me ask me to clear up and i always say later. then u always say later later later will never happen. xiao gu last night say i had a good life for past over 17 yrs now is time to suffer. and wait till the kids are much older then i will be more relax le. i don't even know if can survive till then. my mental health is not as strong as what they see. i also putting up a strong front. but when im alone in the house facing the four walls you don't know i keep on crying every now n then. every time i heard someone coughing i always thought is you and looking out of our house door but it happen to be the neighbour. is so quiet now at home without your coughing and talking and scolding of the kids. i really miss you i want to hug you again.

diagram

dar, as im doing the ICA2 for Macroeconomic, my thoughts is all you. coz i remember how you guide me how to draw the diagram in the MS word, how you guide me how to do all my ICA. now without you beside me i feel so uneasy. you are the man that i have met who knows everything. until now i still cant accept the fact that you have left me. i have been putting strong upfront. but deep inside my heart i missed you so much. looking at the wallpaper of the pic that i last took on you at ikea. i can't help not to think of you. i have been living in guilt. i keep on thinking is it my fault that causes this to happen. if i have been more curious to go inside room and find out what things drop or even shout at you. would i be able to stop this from happening. there's no what if i know. but i really wish the clock can go back on time. i think this guilt inside me will follow me all the way till im dead ba. we got so many plans and things want to do together yet you didn deliver them. we say to go on a couple trip during our 20 yrs wedding anniversary but it can't be done anymore. we say want to bring the kids to melbourne to watch the penqguin island and this cant be fulfil anymore. we also say want to bring the kids to where our honeymoon is. this also cant be fulfil anymore. i always feel you can do better than i am in this family. why the one who left is not me. why!!!! the house is so quiet without you around. your coughing, your talking. who is going to fulfil the emptiness in my heart. dar, you know the christmas song right. all i want for christmas is you. but now i wanted to say is all i want is for u to come back to me. i know is impossible.

stop rushing me

dardar, do you know ur car now is a big issue. i want to wait for the probate letter to be out then sell but sis keep on chasing me asking me to call maybank to reprocess the car. i feel like i cant breathe anymore. im being push to the walls. i want to sell the car and get the proceeds back. i'm so tired dealing your car seriously. why you must leave me behind. can i join you instead. i'm so afraid my mental cant cope any longer. i really want a break. can i just run away and leave everything behind? i can't coz i still got the 3 kids. i got no more me time life. all my life now is running between the 3 kids. i have the rights to make decision right. is it because of your endless contributing and thus your body cannt handle the stress? thats why you leave me so sudden. i also feel like joining you but i still got the 3 kids and especially meimei is still so young. i want to see them grow up also. but will my body able to handle the stress till then? i got no idea. life is so fragile nowadays. who knows the next one might be me leaving the world. the kids is now my strength for me to carry on. i cant collapse, but nobody can tell what will happen next. i only know i'm so tired, be it mentally or physically. i'm not used to the routine now but i got no choice do i.

Helpless

dardar, you will give me strength for me to carry on right. i have never felt so helpless before. im too relying on you liao le. because of your selfless love and pamper that makes me so helpless. i scare im not able to be as good as you are with the kids. im so mentally tired. i feel my heart like not as good as before. i also scare what if one day im like you and out of sudden collapse. what would happen to the 3 kids. they are going to be orphan. i dont want the kids to never have any parent love like i do. i want them to know the love that we have for them. i have never thought of this day before. really. why this thing happen to me. is it heaven see me have a good life with no worry so this thing happen to me. so i need to learn to grow up without any happiness anymore. i thought i will be more calm after crying and pouring all out. but whenever i think of you i still cant help but cry. i too also need councillor not only your kids. im not mentally prepared to face this situation but for the 3 kids i must be strong. but how strong can i be. xiao gu told me my mentally need to be strong. but im so tired. if we dont have any kids at all i probably cant survive either. but we have 3 kids our 爱的结晶. for them i must stay strong. but im also a human i also want someone to love me. where are you. you are suppose to be the one who love me dont you.

You promise me

dardar, you mention that even if got kids i still can sleep late. but where are you now. all the promises you made is gone now. do you know you have spoil the kids until i cant even do the job as good as you are. i cant be like you wake up early and go buy breakfast for them. i still want my sleep. i really miss you. how am i going to survive for the rest of my life without you around. all along im under your protection. but now i got to step out. i scare i cant handle the pressure and i feel so hard to breathe. why the one who's gone is not me. i rather im the one who is away in this house and not you.

Meimei misses you

dardar, today phoebe told me she misses you. first time after your passing she suddenly tell me she misses you and even ask where are you now. how to tell her u no longer around? i only tell her u are sleeping and have gone up to watch over us. she even us when are you coming down to earth. i wish the kids didn follow my footstep that lost any of the parents but yet it did happen. the difference is you were with them when they were born until now coming to 12 yr old and 9 year old. and meimei going to 5 yr old. all the memories they had with you is real. my case is different becoz i lost my mum when im a baby which totally had no recollection at all. im not as painful as them. your passing is a double blow to any of us in the family. if ah ma is around she sure worried for me as well. am i going to say i no longer 幸福 anymore. coz you are not there anymore. ah ma every time say i very good life but now my life is no longer good life.

I really wish

dardar i dream of you again. this time round is i dream of you fetching the kids back from sch. and you still can talk to me say i dont wish you to come back is it. i immediately rush up and hug you. i know this dream is not real is just because i miss you so much that i want you to come back to me. i thought im ok after crying out that day. but now as i write i still tears up thinking of you. remember when we are dating that time i start to write blog and you follow me. what makes my impression deep is you wrote that you will pamper me until i cant live without you. and indeed i really cant live without you. you have pamper me for 20 over years why dont you want to continue pamper me.

Icloud

dardar when you are around those computer savy all are done by you. now you not around im so scare that the nas will corrupted or even collapse same like u. so now i purchase 200gb frm icloud and i start to copy over frm the nas to the icloud. this is one of the better plan for me liao le. coz i dont want to lose those pictures and video that we have. that night i show owen the birthday video which you recorded and he cried. he misses you and i too also misses you. i still will cry whenever i spoke with you in it. how not to cry... everything happen too fast. how nice if there's really a go back to life thing which happen in those short drama. but in real life i know is impossible. you always tell me continue to dream

Dream

dardar last night i was just asking if you can come to my dream and you did but is so unreal because i saw you coming back to life. is it you also wish that you can come back to life too? are you blaming me? xiao gu n marilyn came back specially to accompany me im doing ok with their companion but once im alone i start to miss you and your voices. what am i going to do. xiao gu ask me not to keep blaming myself but i cant help it. without ur financial support how am i going to survive. we are so used to your chauffering of fetching us here n there. now we got to take public transport. everybody used to say i have a tai tai life n even ah ma also say i had a good life but now i no longer had that anymore. who is going to protect us from now. who is going to protect me. who is going to protect the kids. i really wish it did happen that you come back to life. where are you now. i miss your voice but i couldnt find any video of you. all are the kids and when is the last time we even took a couple pic. all the pic are the family pic. i can no longer shop as freely as i can. why you dont want to continue pamper me why. since you have pamper me since 2004 why not continue why. i can no longer go back to the usual life that i used to have. nobody is going to pamper me pamper the kids from now on.

First day without you around

dardar, jenny offer to fetch the kids to sch for this whole week. next week onwards they will be on their own liao. the sch principal say they will arrange sch bus to pick them up. didi heard if morning need to take train to sch he abit reluctant i told him there will be sch bus. he say he will take sch bus. but coming back part i dont know if the 2 boys want to continue take mrt back home or take sch bus. since now we have already apply for the FAS and sch bus is free for us. i dont what time the boys slept last night but for me i really is cry until slp. even now when im typing here i still trying to hold my tears. will i cry until im blind ma. i have been crying since last thurs. i really miss you so much to the extent i went to customise a plushie with your face in it. and i also browse through our picture our last couple pic is in year 2020. ever since got the kids we always take pic of the kids we hardly had a couple pic. i miss holding your hands. i miss your warmth. i miss your hug thats why i went to customise the plushie with your face in it. so i can hug it i just want a hug from you. and to replace the space that is empty at the bed. dar you know now i will go apply any financial scheme i have right even though i know ur cpf can last me for quite sometime. but i still got until end of this year to go and plus if can i also dont wish to bother your sis too much. when you are around that time you always dont like to bother people also. but your sis now is holding the bai jin for me and even though i somehow abit dont like it but nvm since your sis say will transfer to me if i need the money.

Something is amiss

dear you know the 2 boys say they cant slp because something is missing which is you. i also feel the same as them. i miss talking to you. i have been blaming myself is it my fault if i should go to the room and see what is the thing that falls down. maybe you will be save? is it all my fault that you left us forever? i have never expect that things fall down is you. our study room always got things that fall down but how would i expect it to be you. i know many ppl say i shouldnt blame myself is just a accident but i cant help but blame myself for it. that the 3 kids lost their dad at such young age. you know the 2 boys are so close to you. i scare i cant do as well as you did with the boys.

Heartbroken day

i miss you alot dear really. what m i going to do without you in my life from now on. i miss talking to you. complaining to you about the kids. im so used to your snoring your sleep talk occasionally. but now i got to get used without having you in my life. who can i talk to who can i share my daily affair

Wow the last time I blog is 3 yrs ago. Time flies, i've almost forgotten that I still have a blog until watching the tv drama 96'C cafe. 雨晨 is blogging inside that was the time it struck my mind that I still have a blog. I didn't know is still alive. But nowadays all the people is either inside Facebook or twitter I dont think still got ppl blogging. My blog started in Aug 04 almost close to 9 yrs and is the time I with my hub also. Next yr will be our 10 yrs. Since 09 married till now I've lost 2 close friends 1 of it is my closest cousin another 1 is my closest best friend. After so many yrs gone pass I keep on asking myself have I ever regret it for breaking the friendship with Siew Ling and Melody. Maybe yes maybe no. I believe in my heart that I definitely live a very happy life right now.

My wedding album

hurray, today is a nice date haha... i've passed my test after 2nd time of attempt haha... such a nice date to remember. Tom gettin married today, and i've passed my license today. and best of all 3 yrs ago is the date that hub propose to me haha... such a nice way of remembering Tom's wedding date and my license date haha...

i think i've got a yr plus didn blog liao le... haha... didn even thought that my blog actually exist.. i've become a tai tai for the past 9 mths i guess... reason is to complete my CAT diploma before finding a job. lucky i stil can survive haha... finally exam is here and i think i will fail 1 of the sub, not much confidence.

anyway i wonder who will still come in and look at my blog since i started bloggin a few yrs back i think got at least 6 yrs le ba... the day im with my hub until nw i think shld have at least 6 yrs le haha...

i really regret asking you. i ask you is becoz you are once my best frien yet you last min back off. forget it, i really dun 1 2 see you anymore. bcoz it really sucks, and im super piss off. i dun even wish to see you appear on tat day. after everything is settle i will delete you from my memory. and delete everything that is abt your stuff. i dun 1 2 cry anymore. no point cryin over a person like you.

wow it's been 2 mths pluz since i last blog haha... dun really haf the time to blog due to busy at work and alot of things to do. think i will less bloggin liao le. recently being addicted to mahjong computer game haha... will blog again when im free

today super angry, who do you think you are. tis is suppose to be ur jobscope and not mine, y m i the one who's suppose to contact the manager, since u want to take the credit you shld be the one who's doin this job n not me. dun haf experience nor qualification only noe hw to bootlick. i wonder wat ur bf see in u. i pray tat u get ur karma ASAP juz like wat happen when u go back to ur hometown being robbed by ur own ppl. hate tis kind of cunning ppl....

i'm loving you more n more each day. especially the look in ur eyes on last sun nite 31 may 09.

hmmm... long time no blog, since the gathering at bbq i've been busy preparing my wedding preparation until no time to surf net haha... bought LG phone last weekend. last nite went to select my photo. our selection was fast spent 2 hrs at the bridal shop and everi thing was done. the next time i go down will be viewing the layout for my ablum.

was quite unhappy for the outcome, bcoz the fake eye lashes cover my eyes, i cant even c my own eyes. all the pic i saw is my eyes are close. tats y we spend only 2 hrs bcoz i chose only those pic tat i can c my eyes are open. was pretty upset, at the photoshoot the MUA comment tat my gown do not need the push up effect so she didn help me at all, which makes me veri piss off liao. then now the picture are totally ruin by the fake eye lashes. bloody hell... if im rich i confirm request retake again. the life time picture are all ruin by the fake eye lashes. i told dear that on the actual day i dun 1 2 stick on any fake eye lashes liao. i ask the make up artist to do the make up abit not like me but not totally cannt c my eyes lor. think of the pic n the photo shoot im really veri piss off. KNN.... seeing the outcome suppose to be happy but for me im not happy at all.. i keep on grumble... how i wish clock can turn back again, i wun stick on the eye lashes

my heart is gettin more hatred. i dont feel any luv at all, im countin down towards the day that i get the key to my house. sometimes i wonder to myself, will i ever drop a single tear for my dad. towards him, i only have hatred, the reason i settle down early oso bcoz of him, so that i can officially move out of this stupid house n no longer need to face him.

1st post in the new month, wat am i busy with recently. went to Bukit Tinggi last weekend during Labour Day, quite fun but veri hot haha.. and the place we stay looks like the castle in europe style haha... food over there is exp. after comin back the next day went to shop for furniture with his whole family. we shop almost half a day. damn tiring, lucky our house come in 2 yrs later if not i think my legs is goin to kill me.

now we are waiting for Kit or Sally to cal us up for the photo selection, and this week goin to his house and select the photo montage so that we can pass it to Ah Boon friend to help us do the photo montage. 2nd thing goin to have a meet up with the supplier for the wedding favors, 3rd thing got to book a health check up appointment which i intend to do it maybe next mth. 4th thing got to select a date for the guo da li which i guess shld be ard end of june time ba. the last thing which i really havin a headache will be the guest list n the sister thing. haizz... i really wish the friends whom i've been close with can participate in my big day. but then again, as wat joey mention before, "you never ask how would you know whether they want to help anot. dun assume it, juz ask it"


are my close friends goin to help mi celebrate my hens nite?? i tot of goin to taiwan for a week with Stacey they all, but then again money counts haha... since Lum n Seng planning to go Phuket for the bachelor nite y cant i go taiwan or somewhere near near like Batam or Bintan oso can haha... i really wish to relax myself n enjoy myself b4 i step into another new step. i wish to go to places i nv been b4 like st james n zouk haha...

i dreamt of joo gong last nite, hmmm when is the last time i dreamt of her i think is last yr ba. or even 2 yrs ago, dreamt abt her in short hair haha... and we chattin outside the toilet in her house kitchen, if i dun remember wrong haha... although i know she wun cut her hair short but she do look nice in my dream. i dream that we are watching movie together with the group, when is the last time i have watch movie with the group i think is years back le ba. is this a hint from you that i shld join them more often so that i can dream of you haha... anyway the dream is so real juz like we've watch the movie not long before haha... i do miss you, whenever i think of you i cant hold my tears. you are always constantly in my mind. how i wish i got the 3rd eye to see you lol~~~

after finishin takin the PS yesterday was so shag and i couldn even get up to go to work, so i took urgent leave for today haha.... thinkin back the more i think of Kit the more i think he looks like the Feng De Lun haha... was fun for the PS enjoy myself how i wish can go back take again haha.... i think i'm falling in luv with the PS haha... maybe next time can go back take again probably with the whole family or our 10 yr weddin anni haha...

after the gathering with Stacey last week, i really should treasure them. they are the friends i have spend with in my sch days. i promise that i will find time to meet up with them and not MIA hehe... hope i can go back to your group

yesterday went to the final gown selection for my evening gown, in the end not much of the colour or design tat i like. so took back the first evening gown that i reserve when i went there for the 1st time. afternoon came back for the trial make up
veri happy for the effect n i keep on taking picture of myself haha....

like this pic, but the eyes abit side way looking of it haha... n my poor dolphin not only even half the body is inside the pic haha...




inside the car



ghostly pic of me haha...



act cute of me haha...



look so weird haha...



do i look even fierce enough or juz a black face after all haha




both of us in his car while waiting for my family to come down.

i wonder is it the gers use to protect me, tats y nw whatever things i say out muz be veri careful especially in a small n complicated with so many politic company. my ex colleague juz told me tat she draw a distance from me. she keep on sayin tat other ppl wun think like the way i do, i noe tat everi time i dun use my brain to think of the impact n consequences i juz bluntly say out, although i meant no harm but maybe to other ppl it really matters alot. hw m i suppose to change this where i have survive with this character for so long. haizz... last time in Brady i dun see any polictic like wat i saw in my current company. haizz... is it my thinkin really still at children time or i didn grow up at all or i simply cannt click with those ppl who is much more older than me. looks like next time i muz be a mute ger in work life liao le. i muz only work n nt chit chat or gossip if not more n more ppl will draw the distance away from me even though she no longer work in my company. haizzz.... workin life is so complicated how i wish i still a child live with no worries. i really miss those sec sch days, can i go back to the time where we still studying?? i really dun 1 2 work in this company whom is full of politic, everi thing i do i say muz be careful. im the type tat y cares wat other ppl are thinkin sometimes i really think tat these ppl really think too much. haizzz...

hmmm... had a long chat wif joey today. looks like tml got to ask dear out to have a chat le. wat shld i do to make u guys come out, have send sms but no definite anz. wat can i do other than sms. call??? well, take a step at a time ba, i tried my best le.

was watching youtube video earlier on, didn noe that ya lun was afraid of heights same as me sia haha... but 1 thing he keeps alot of facial products in his bag wor, while yi ru likes to keep his own photo in his bag. da dong luvs his appearance alot n he wun allow tat his hair to be messy. haha... saw a video where wu zhun was kissing ya lun n da dong was kissing yi ru, but yi ru keep on rejecting haha... so funny n abit gross lol... yi ru say tat although the 4 of them are quite gd friends but not to the extend of kissing each other haha... i laugh until almost cry out liao haha... sibei funny, yesterday went to follow the pillow which i custom made from the taiwan, have their picture on it wor hehe... the other nite juz haf a dream of them. simply luv them too much le haha...

had a tiring day. busy keying 46 days of sales into the spreadsheet. faint.... next time shld not find a retail or F&B line job. it's a tiring thing once u are on leave n ur colleague couldn cover for you. then u are goin to die when u go back to office. haha....

thinking back, since last week i start to have this emotion thing maybe is due to Joey's reaction. maybe i mind or think too much le, juz like wat dear everi time say to me. i really think too much or im too sensitive le. it seems to me that i'm a invisible to her whenever she got problem she always tok to Maggie, maybe they are good friends n good ex colleague. but now i noe that Joey didn really treat me as invisible still can chat wif her. maybe is only me that really think too much le.

than came to my cousin, was really hurt when i read her email. she keep on sayin that i have changed in sense of my attitude to her, n she keep on pouring wet blanket on me. i noe she worried for me but wat i need is the support from her n nt keep on pouring wet blanket. 及然她把我说的以问不之 so what for i still need contact with her. i shld not contact her at all from now on. i tot she really noe me but in the end all i can see from her is all the bad comments. i heard enough of these comments, from work n from her. this is the path i choose so y dun u congrats me n not keep on pouring wet blanket. i hafn even married yet n u already curse me divorce is miserable. WTF.... i really hate her...


突然间我发现我真的无法承受那么多的打击。one come after another. it's really veri tiring you know. thinkin back all these years, i really didn spent much with you guys. my world suddenly become only him but no one else. 可能是因为我太依赖他了没有了他我真得无法想像我还能不能自持的住. from not really like him until now i cannt live without him. i did try to make a gathering but it turn out all not successful hw come. i oso dunno haizz... everi time i tried to organise a gathering, the response is always negative or juz totally no news at all. 我真的心毁一冷了，一次又一次的failure. i still remember last time we use to have a meet up on everi sat. but rite now, i still remember there's once i went out with you all, n the words u all tok i totally dun understand. frm there then i realise i couldn walk into the world u guys have. wat APL, n blah blah blah~~~~~ all i totally dunno at all. maybe tat time i give up le. i couldn blame anyone for this but myself.

finally take back my computer. finally can surf the net can start to DL songs liao haha.... after yesterday at Mandai, i realise that i cant be so selfish even though i quarrel wif my cousin, n so many ppl dun even realise my existence but so wat. i stil haf the ppl who raise me up. from young due to lack of mother love i told myself that next time i want to get married n settle down n haf my own children n give them lots of luv. this has been my aim, yet my cousin say tat i married so early is to run away the issue that me n my dad keep on quarreling. i admit tis is part of the reason also, main issue is i really want to have my own family can't i??
although my pay is low, but i've been trying veri hard to save up money also. i've been thinking n imagine so much until my head goin to explode soon. i think next time i will have senile i will soon forget everi ppl.

had a change of new blogskin hehe.... was wondering to get a LG Cookie or LG Ice Cream phone. in the end i think get LG Cookie phone is better, as the review is better than the LG Ice Cream.


just saw my cousin reply frm the email, she has i haf change to the worse n i look stuck up. do I??? but she's my cousin she jolly noe me well wat. wat makes her to believe in a guy which i haf never even see him before. wat makes her believe in a stranger than her own cousin. like wat i told stacey, is ALL MY FAULT. my karma is punishing on me.

saw my cousin last nite at hougang mall, somehow can sense that she no longer want to tok to mi anymore. she dun even want to look at me for the second time. i did try my best, i send sms to her, send her greeting cards as i always does. since she dun 1 2 have anythin to do with me. then shall be, it seems to me tat everi since SH is gone things in my life has change. i can no longer click with my sec sch friends, no longer who i can confide with. i could only blog or rather write in my diary. for sure im a loner. or rather a anti social after all. it use to be my wish to stay together with my friends, go trip with my friends. but rite now, i seems to a invisible after all. no one will ever remember who m i. maybe i shld change my name to Chen Xinyi. she's a ger who no one will ever notice her existence. i think my fate is the same as her in the Taiwan TV Drama. in work is the same as in my personal life. will i ever be remember by my friends or they dun even will remember it.

My heart no longer pumps, no longer looking forward to a brand new day. for me i only noe u wun noe wat happen tml. maybe tis min im here and the next min im gone. tis has been my thinkin ever since the early start of the yr. feel like i've having depression haha... have been thinkin those bad things. i wish i can go back to the sec sch time where all the friends are always hang together. or i rather not to be born in this world. i want to be love, i want to be notice by ppl, but all is not goin to come true.

My heart is experiencing abit of pain, is this a hinting to me that treasure everi min n everi sec i have in my life??? or is it telling me that i won't be able to survive to witness i set up a family of my own???

whenever i see stacey blog i felt more n more outsider, watever they tok i dun understand a word at all. is it bcoz im the one who let go of everi thing. once mirror broken no matter hw u mend it stil have a scar no longer can be the same as last time.

im getting abit sian of my current company liao. haizz tot of quitting this job, but my wedding is only 7 mths away cannt lose the income of my study n wedding n honeymoon haizzz... is so sickening. i noe dear is trying hard to let me have a gd life. tats y i oso keep on enduring with this company n the ppl over here. sometimes i really wish i will stay as a child forever. as least baby got no problems only know how to cry n play. haiz...

long time no come in blog liao. last sun just went down to bridal concept and have my 1st gown fitting hehe... so tiring trying so many pcs of wedding gown n evening gown haha... 2nd time of fitting will be end of next month liao. on the same day i try my 1st gown fitting we also bought our wedding band at Soo Kee. now have to go find my wedding shoes, my wedding gifts and the wine and our bed haha... must settle everi thing b4 the 7th lunar. exactly 7 mths to go for my wedding.

wat are friends for. to concern you when u are upset, to share laughter with you when they are happy, to share sadness when they are sad. i dun haf any friends at all
i'm a person with no tml. my world don't exist for tml. wat will happen to me for tml nobody noes, maybe i might juz slp n slp juz like slppin beauty forever slpping n no waking up. i lost my friends years back. this is the path i choose, i nid to continue on my own. y shld i honour my promise to other ppl when other ppl dun even honour their promise to me. why m i the one to give in. why... i'm so sick of this world even though i haf the one i luv the most. if i haf a chance i rather nt born in this world. i rather join my frien SH in the other world. maybe the day will soon arrive.

so fast tml is the chinese new yr eve liao. another yr past again, tis yr is my ox year wor haha... tot of having a ox baby but i dun think is possible for me to do tat haha... anyway wish everybody a happy chinese new yr HUART AR~~~~~

countin down to knock off time, today is super borin i finish my work and nthing for me to do liao haha... and my aunt is comin back from perth takin the mid nite plane so shld reach singapore by tml early mornin. lookin forward to their return from perth. tis time round they are stayin for ard 3 weeks hehe... can c my long time cousin liao, later my uncle is goin to say me again haha.... every year is the same lucky only let him say once a yr nia haha...

back from Kukup, had a great fun over there. play 1 whole day of mahjong hehe... and follow them to see the guys playin the fire cracker. back to work again so sian, now been following the taiwan drama you are my destiny not a bad show hehe...

happy 23 birthday to myself, hehe... today on leave to celebrate my bday wif my dear. later he fetchin me up in another 25 mins, after that goin to Lovelyinn place to collect my item then after that i think is goin to Royal Plaza located at Scotts Road to have lunch buffet hehe... following that will be catching the Red Cliff 2 movie at Ang Mo Kio hub. i think after the movie maybe have a early dinner b4 proceeding to my lesson at CPA house, which is so sian. haizzz... wat a day to spend. a lesson on my bday. anyway almost my wish has come truth, except i never win a 1st prize in 4D b4 haha... anyway i got to go prepare liao. may i have a beautiful day for the whole day.

no time to blog, last nite busy catching up with the little nyonya show haha... countin down to my 23rd bday hehe... and 8 more mths to my wedding. after my bday the following week goin to bridal concept and have my 1st gown fitting hehe... abit nervous n anxious, still dunno wat design i want. his sister n 2 nephews is tagging along also haha... his sister say she 1 2 go kpo abit lol... i saw the display gown quite nice looking. maybe will reserve that piece or wait for sally the co-ordinator to recommend ba. hehe...

today is the 1st day of the yr 2009. so fast tml sch reopens n i got to start my part time course oso. lucky i only take up 1 course this yr haha.... so sian... next fri is my 23rd bday, times flies so fast haha... after my bday the following week goin to have my gown fitting hehe... juz nw went to a few places to check out the places which we want to take for our outdoor shoot. i found 1 place quite nice but got to walk up the slope, veri shack leh imagine i got to wear the outdoor gown n walk the way up haha... got to discuss with the photographer as time comes. next weekend goin kukup hehe... can go there play mahjong liao haha

today is the last day of 2008 another 3 hrs will be yr 2009. hopefully next yr will be a better yr. today the company dun even noe haf half day anot, i juz take half day leave. who cares whether have half day anot. so sucks want. i hope i can find a better job next yr. last of all i wish everi one a Happy New Year. i wish to save up more money so that next yr i can travel to 3 places haha... and i pray that the economy can go up again. haha... let's wish everyone have a healthy body n earn lots of money. yeah~~~

today im so boil up, was told by my accountant tat i nid to do the stock take tml, and hello tis job is belong to the cost control job hw come become our job scope. take so high pay cannt even handle 13 units is it. then might as well quit ur job la. dun act cute n teh teh in front of the GM la. 2pid bitch go back msia n give birth la, i hope ur bf dump u ar. such a cunning n idiot pig. i hate tis bloody company im goin to tender my resignation after CNY. tml new yr eve dun even haf a half day off, wat a 2pid company benefit n welfare sucks to the core, cannt tahan them liao, only noe hw to act pity in front of our GM. y not u go back ur own country n be a actress might be a better choice for u. dun come here n bully us.

hey that's my dear and me inside the transit





Inside the Graunda PLane before departing to Bali




Such a beautiful bathtub isnt it, i spent almost all my stay in that bathtub.






Private pool that is shared by the 3 couples staying in this villa

here's the volcano opp the restaurant tat we had our lunch on the Friday 19/12/08 which is the 2nd day at Bali. And is at a mountain. so cold over there machiam like in cameron highland haha....





There's a lake whereby can see it from the restaurant. a beautiful lake after all




This place is juz beside the restaurant but alot of flies though, so irritating.





Lots of trees n clouds, it's nice to stay in these cold or rather cooling place. and a nice view after all

greetin frm Bali here, comin back to Singapore in mid nite time. hehe... nw usin Dear Epc to blog, now we are located at 1 of the restaurant opp SOGO in Kota town. will update more pic when i come back hehe..

2day no work bcoz im goin for my holi haha... im goin bali haha... so excied nv been there b4 wonder hw does it look like. the important thing i want to know is whether the villa we are stayin dunno got any bath tub in it anot haha... anyway i will take more pic n upload in here hehe....

i'm bringing the pink colour hello kitty wallet which last time Sabrina bought it for me hehe... and inside i found 1 small black card which state Sabrina, Stacey, Soo Hong, Siew Ling, Cindy and my name in it. and it states Friends Forever. when i see this my feeling is like we are no longer friends forever. haizzzz how i wish can turn back the clock to sec sch time. i miss those days. i dunno y our group will disband, i juz dun understand.

anyway erm... m i 1 of u guys also haha... its like long time nv gather together i feel like im not 1 of u ever after since SH not around. haizz... i saw the pic u guys take together i really got the feeling tat im no longer 1 of the group not to mention the APL Gang. haha...

why are my friends thinkin stil so immature, y still stuck at sec sch time. can grow up anot. how old liao, suka suka angry then dun anz my cal n reply my sms. y u muz bother so much whether they wil gossip abt u anot. ppl will change want wat, i juz dun understand lor. y the thikin stil so immature. i really had enough of these kind of friends liao. i rather i dun haf any frien at all. really hard to be a sandwich de lor. i had been a sandwich for so many yrs i had enough of tat liao. really lor. for some purpose i really rather i dun 1 2 invite none of my friend at all. she dun 1 2 c them dun 1 2 sit together with them how m i goin to organise a table like tat. i hate being a ger. their thinkin n emotion is too strong n stubborn oso. haizzz forget it i wun contact her anymore. anyway she no longer my best friend since we left sec sch. from now on u go ur way i go my way. i wun bother u any more. i will juz take it tat u are juz the same as soo hong tat disappear from my vision.

countin down towards my bali trip which is another 12 more days to go haha... cant wait to go there man lol

is friday again, another new month. and the yr 2008 is goin to end soon. haha... and the date of my wedding is comin nearer n nearer. im thikin of quittin my job, but i got to consent my aunt n ask for her advice whether is it a gd idea to quit my current job. haha... actually i dun haf the intention to quit but after i realise the HR team over here keep on forcing ppl to attend the christmas party next tues (9/12). but im hafin my exam on tat day and some more got to go to Loyang or Simei there as my GM lives there. and some more the party end at 11:30pm and the next day stil got to work. bloody hell i already got my reason and they stil keep on insist me to go. i told them i will buy the present but im not goin. they say they need my presence and not the present. shit them la, i dun even like the ppl in tis comp wat for i muz go attend the party when i noe i wun be happy at all. if joey is still here i dun mind goin. but she has left tis comp. haizz now even our PM oso in trouble think she quittin soon. tis comp alot of evil n bad ppl. not a place for me to stay on.

usin dear mini laptop to blog quite weird. the keypad is so small hard to type oso. suppose to study for my exam that is on next tues but somehow no matter hw i study the things juz couldn get into my head. haizz shldn haf take tis exam in the 1st place. abit regret now, since i noe i will fail my exam so wat for i study so hard. i might as well concentrate on my tax exam better. at least i think i got hope in my tax haha... now dear helpin Seng out in his wireless router while i surf the net haha... hungry liao waitin for dinner lol

today suppose to have lesson but i dun feel like goin haha... even though i did feel abit better but my head somehow still abit pain. i really dun feel like continue studying liao leh i really want to give up. i dun like the idea of studyin part time. i hate my dear i hate him. all his fault. bcoz of him i go study i hate tis world. y not i juz follow soo hong footstep wouldn it be more nice. wun be bother by so much things. wun feel so frustrated. sometime i wonder y the one who pass away is not me yet her. im juz a nobody.

today is another so cal free day. nthing to do so far haha... wat i want in my life. my wish is so simple but yet cant be fufil. all i want is to stay at home and be a housewife or so call a tai tai haha... but i think tat only applies to rich ppl ba. i dun haf any O level cert. cant go anywhere also. want to work in government oso muz haf local certificate. haiz... i really dunno wat i want. i juz noe i dun like to study and i dun 1 2 study any more. perhaps i really regret for not goin to Poly to study. bcoz i want to get marry early, tats y i dun 1 2 go poly and study. nw think back without the local diploma cert i cant even go to government and work. haizz when will my dream come true. please let me strike a 4D or Toto then i can be a tai tai liao haha...

2 yrs ago on this day i lost 1 gd friend, and funny thing is Dear bike frien ROM on this day also. and 2 yrs later his NS friend getting married today. is it a gd day to get married on this special day. i dunno, only know that today is a unforgettable day for me to remember.

these few days no time to come in n blog. today is a Sat got to revise for my exam again so sian. yesterday had a small dinner with the Finance Team. Anyway is Ray & Mike treating us for a celebration due to our new system we have done well haha... yesterday i sit opp the 2pid auntie so irritatin haha... and she was like being left alone since all of us are tokin to other colleague no ppl tokin to her. feel so gd when i saw her being left alone. yesterday the dinner i think is super exp lor. i order a Soup n i tot is the kind of western soup and it turn up is a normal soup with 4 scallop in it. and i cant finish all so i share with Maggie haha... and i order a Laksa and u guess hw much it is. is exp lor, 1 pot is $21.90 and not much of ingredient juz a few prawns n 2 or 3 ta pok only. and we drink beer last nite. tis mornin juz lao sai only haha... i was preparing to get lao sai liao since my gastric or stomach has a veri low milk tolerance. plus the beer i think later sure goin to toilet again. The place we go yesterday is cal Lotus Grill.

im so tire today, only slept 6 hrs and i think i didn slp too well on the pillow and nw my necks hurts so much. so sian yawn~~`

hehe juz upload 1 pic n test c whether it works anot

TGIF, today super free nothing to do due to our weekly closing finish yesterday so today not really much of things to do. and next week Ray is treatin us dinner for Lynx implent celebration haha... Maggie is going wor so i think maybe im goin also haha.....

looks like my blog is not an every day thing any more due to dun haf the time to post in the blog. haha... looks so sian i cant wait till 2009 so tat my study can complete haha.... dun even noe can pass the T7 paper anot. haizz whenever i think of tat i feel so sian liao. hmmm next mon shld i go for my lesson or shld i go attend the wedding dinner. im so confused, hmmm maybe i shld try n do the question myself tis sunday n c if im able to do it on my own. then i no nid to attend the lesson liao. i cant wait to look forward to the Bali trip also haha... juz 1 2 get out of tis fuck up place n relax myself, without troublin myself time to go for my lesson blah blah..... feel so slppy anyway time to go back soon haha~~~

feel like crying liao, wanted to do my revision for the T7 paper, and i realise i dun even noe where to start n my mind was totally blank. was prepared to take a retake exam liao, i totally got no confidence at all for this paper. although i only need 40 marks to pass but it seem so hard to me when i look at the pass yr exam question was a mistake from the start to take this paper. shld have take this subject together with the T5 which is the most difficult paper also. haiz.... i really haf the heart dun 1 2 study this subject and let it fail. since i noe i cannt do the paper at all juz waste the money only. if i dun pass this paper i got to drag my course to 2010 then finish. which is really waste of money. 2pid exam 2pid qualification 2pid world. i hate this world.

damn sian, goin to lesson again haizzz, i 1 2 play mahjong hahaha.... i miss playin with Marcus n Rachel, last nite when i was abt to slp somehow i drawn back to the scene when Marcus is in the coffin. Haizz... Marcus i miss you this mahjong kaki too much le. how i wish i got the power of seeing things tat will happen then i wouldnt lose 2 friends in 2 yrs time. looks like i could only play the mahjong game in the viwawa liao. hopefully we can have a fixed mahjong kaki haha... ya rite, in my dream lor...

yesterday finally finish keyin all the 13 outlets into the new accounting system, and im doin it all by myself due to Maggie is on leave as she need to bring her youngest son for a check up. had a feeling i might fail my T7 paper, dun really understand wat is the whole topic is abt. haha... the lecturer also cannt make it, juz keep on spoon feed us and nv really tell us to try ourself. haizz... i really dun like to study, why i muz make myself so miserable juz bcoz of a stupid cert or rather a qualification. haiz... study sucks...

it's so tirin, the whole day has been rushin to key all the sales into the stupid system, and the Mike keep on rushin me to key all till up to date. im a woman show again tis time round due to maggie is on leave as her young son is admitted to hospital need to pay attention to him. lucky nthing much tat i can help her do except to key all the november sales into the lynx system. yesterday was Mel bday, did sms her but she like no repl to me. so i think forget it, since she dun 1 2 tok to me anymore for wat i still go sms her. suan le~~~

sick of workin life. i still prefer student life haha... so bored rite now i still got time log in to blog, muz be really veri slack rite. waiting for my purchasing manager to call the store man to deliver my boxes up for me to pack my Receipt roll in it. and i've been waitin for the boxes since last week till now, yet no action has been done yet. i'm starting to get abit piss off liao, keep on asking her since last week till now, yet still nowhere to see my boxes. haiz had a veri strange dream last nite abt my dear. hahah... 2nite then tel him provided if he pick mi up from my lesson tonite, or else got to tel him tml nite. happy bday SH

yesterday was someone's birthday, same day as my nephew Tuan Kiat, and this afternoon i receive a sms from my friend his wife just give birth to his second child 2 days ago. i was like omg his wife is the same age as me and his 1st child is already 2 yrs old. faint y nowadays got so much young couple gettin married so early and giving child so early when their education is not so high. compare to the uni graduates they are like quite old then get married. haha.... this is my own theory. surrounding me the age almost the same as mi is either get married or already give birth liao. while the age of my dear's they juz recently get married and their age is like 30 yr old. bcoz they are uni grad. hmmm.... got to start revisin for my exam next month. so will wait till i have time will post again. and tml is 1 of my late friend bday. happy bday to you. may u be reborn n be a beautiful n healthy person. cheers~~

long time no blog, stop blogging since last yr till now. either i was busy to blog or juz simply lazy to blog haha... anyway stay tune im going to change my layout soon or rather stay with the same layout or juz add some new things in it. didn noe tat bloggin still so in. lol~~~

so long didn come in liao sia... recently it hurts my heart to know that once a guy is married u no longer can contact him anymore. even though u n him have many yrs of friendship, you oso cant contact him anymore. i dun understand at all why cant guys and gers cant be friends after all, haiz so sad. maybe i nid some time to get over this, as wat he say is impossible to stay contact with so many friends, well lucky i still gt keep in contact with some of my primary school friends and secondary friends. i have lost the chance to keep in contact with him, nw i dun wish to happen again. i shall try my veri best to contact those friends

hey it's the 1st day of 2007, a brand new day, hopefully all the bad luck go away and all the good luck come to me haha... it's a kind of sad thing to me in year 2006 something big happen to me which i cant take it, and i almost fainted on that day when i send her off in mandai. i cry until almost fainted u noe, haiz anyway it's over she's gone she won't back to me and call me and shout at me and comfort me. haha... and i'm turning 21 yr old soon, much pretty soon and my actual birthday is next tues 9 of jan haha... yeah~~~ i finally turn 21 and i can go casino go watch RA and do lots of stuff haha.... i'm having my 21st BBQ CHALET tis coming wednesday at PASIR RIS PARK PEOPLE ASSOCIATION. i'm so excited you know, 1st time take chalet ma, some more celebrate i turn into 21st leh. of coz excited leh, haha... even though hafn chinese new yr yet but i already got red packets to receive leh, of coz from my aunts lor haha.. although i only fork out $50 to buy the BBQ food, but im really grateful leh. if my ah ma tio 4D again then i gt $$ to take again haha... let's huat ar~~~

finish watching the AI QING MO FA SHI, it's damn nice man haha... i like that show wor. haha dunno when got the next 183 club show again haha uploaded the song GAN QING XIAN, had a veri meaningful lyrics in it. hope you guys like it haha

it's been a long time ever since i updated my blog, haha... so lazy to update actually, another few more months to go before graduate from ITE BISHAN. and that's cool shit man, haha... cant wait to grad from tat stupid sch. i dunno to continue schooling or go out and work. been studying for 1 and half yrs, abit sick of studying already. look around my friends all are either working or studying poly. haiz think i shld go out and work liao. then can buy tons of vcd haha... and tats my wish ok. lol

recently im totally mad haha im in love with ming dao, he's so cute haha... age 26 this yr born in 1980 feb 26 lol... juz upload the MV but will block my updates sia haha but bo bian got to ask my dear to help mi adjust liao lol song title is cal hao ai ta hao xiang ta hope you guys like it lol

so sian now sch starts liao, left another 9 more months to go haha... and i will be graduate from my ite liao... thinking of going back to study makes me more sian lol... and dear is so busy still say me demanding humpf~~~ this week only meet him 3 days nia lor due to the big GE. and end up we cannt go in dim sum tml, haiz got to wait for another 2 more month. very sad leh, the carrot cake very nice to eat lor, i miss the dim sum. haiz so sad man~~~ headache now got to go le go and rest liao lol will be changing my blogskin soon hehe...

yeah~~~ finally my exam is finish liao wahhaha.... finally can relax myself liao, im going to chiong my dvd session liao n my maple game of coz haha... if i ever got the time lol haha.... dear also return back to singapore liao but then hor he sick leh cannt meet me so 2nite he den come n fetch me after work. but hor i dunno want to go to the fazer outing anot leh... sibei sian leh i scare later they go out until late late sia... think i better come back home n watch tv den tml early mornin den go meet dear better hor haha... as i always tend to slp veri late de. hopefully tml got mahjong session with marcus they all haha... so long nv play liao sia.. due to my exam n dear's genting trip. and now im looking forward to the hatyai trip which is at thailand haha 1st time going up there sia sittin on the bike some more haha... hafn tel my dad wait til next wk den tel him i can imagine his words already, that's why muz plan everything ok den can tel him haha... anyway i got the prepaid card wat he can always call me or i can always cal back de ma so no nid to worry, i have trust in my dear's bikin experience he have go for so many trips liao some more he also won't dare to chiong so fast de la he also scare accident de later nid alot of money to repair his bike wor... ok i will stop here got to go to my housework den go watch my dvd liao and in the afternoon got to go and work liao ciao will ask my dear to make the music to be able to hear soon haha....

sian later going back to sch to take my final account exam for year 1. sibei sian leh where got exam starts at 3pm and ends at 5.30pm this is the 1st time i take this kind of paper lo so borin so now surfin net later come back got to study for my statistic liao still hafn touch 1 unit yet haha... but i think will be much more easier then accounting lo, statistic i got confidence then accounting dunno y haha maybe is because all are formula some more the formula no nid to remember one. haha... and my dear has return from genting liao but then hor got to wait to friday or saturday then can meet him liao. see he so bad thurs oso dun want to meet me dunno friday got bike already anot if not im really goin to fly back to catch the last episode sia dunno want to take cab back or take the train back haha... or maybe i take mrt to ang mo kio then i take cab back, think will be much more cheaper wahahha... muz be mad liao la haha... ok la i gtg le wish me good luck in my accountin exam hor... i have tried my best liao le can pass then pass cannt pass then get a B grade nia haha...

nex week my final exam going to start liao sia, and then cannot see my dear for 4 days liao so sad, he going to genting with his family members and i cant go sia got exam bo bian gt to stay at home to study. im very stress sia for my accounting got a feeling i cant get a A grade liao. haiz sad sia, just now study depreciation n disposal thing haha... my songs cannt be play anymore liao sia dunno can go where upload haiz nw veri boring so come n blog abit haha... after checking all my things got to go back n study again liao le haiz so sad hopefully can go to hatyai next mth haha... cant wait to go sia, finally got chance to go liao haha

omg i have stop blogging for 1 whole month times flies sia haha... been busy with my cousin for the past few weeks. they came back to spend chinese new yr so of course must accompany them so got no time online also haha... abit miss them sia i even cry when i send them off at airport i really cry haiz now when i think of the scenery i will always want to cry. but then what to do anyway hopefully can go to australia again this yr haha... im goin on a diet soon very soon haha... hopefully by june i can at least lose a few kg ba haha....im so fat sia see liao also scare haha... make a bet with my uncle. promise him that when he came back to singapore next yr i will slim down for him to see haha... hopefully can slim down ba. muz have the determination. haha... is time to change the format of my blog liao sia is so hmmm how to say sia so outdated haha...