had a tiring day. busy keying 46 days of sales into the spreadsheet. faint.... next time shld not find a retail or F&B line job. it's a tiring thing once u are on leave n ur colleague couldn cover for you. then u are goin to die when u go back to office. haha....

thinking back, since last week i start to have this emotion thing maybe is due to Joey's reaction. maybe i mind or think too much le, juz like wat dear everi time say to me. i really think too much or im too sensitive le. it seems to me that i'm a invisible to her whenever she got problem she always tok to Maggie, maybe they are good friends n good ex colleague. but now i noe that Joey didn really treat me as invisible still can chat wif her. maybe is only me that really think too much le.

than came to my cousin, was really hurt when i read her email. she keep on sayin that i have changed in sense of my attitude to her, n she keep on pouring wet blanket on me. i noe she worried for me but wat i need is the support from her n nt keep on pouring wet blanket. 及然她把我说的以问不之 so what for i still need contact with her. i shld not contact her at all from now on. i tot she really noe me but in the end all i can see from her is all the bad comments. i heard enough of these comments, from work n from her. this is the path i choose so y dun u congrats me n not keep on pouring wet blanket. i hafn even married yet n u already curse me divorce is miserable. WTF.... i really hate her...


突然间我发现我真的无法承受那么多的打击。one come after another. it's really veri tiring you know. thinkin back all these years, i really didn spent much with you guys. my world suddenly become only him but no one else. 可能是因为我太依赖他了没有了他我真得无法想像我还能不能自持的住. from not really like him until now i cannt live without him. i did try to make a gathering but it turn out all not successful hw come. i oso dunno haizz... everi time i tried to organise a gathering, the response is always negative or juz totally no news at all. 我真的心毁一冷了，一次又一次的failure. i still remember last time we use to have a meet up on everi sat. but rite now, i still remember there's once i went out with you all, n the words u all tok i totally dun understand. frm there then i realise i couldn walk into the world u guys have. wat APL, n blah blah blah~~~~~ all i totally dunno at all. maybe tat time i give up le. i couldn blame anyone for this but myself.

finally take back my computer. finally can surf the net can start to DL songs liao haha.... after yesterday at Mandai, i realise that i cant be so selfish even though i quarrel wif my cousin, n so many ppl dun even realise my existence but so wat. i stil haf the ppl who raise me up. from young due to lack of mother love i told myself that next time i want to get married n settle down n haf my own children n give them lots of luv. this has been my aim, yet my cousin say tat i married so early is to run away the issue that me n my dad keep on quarreling. i admit tis is part of the reason also, main issue is i really want to have my own family can't i??
although my pay is low, but i've been trying veri hard to save up money also. i've been thinking n imagine so much until my head goin to explode soon. i think next time i will have senile i will soon forget everi ppl.

had a change of new blogskin hehe.... was wondering to get a LG Cookie or LG Ice Cream phone. in the end i think get LG Cookie phone is better, as the review is better than the LG Ice Cream.


just saw my cousin reply frm the email, she has i haf change to the worse n i look stuck up. do I??? but she's my cousin she jolly noe me well wat. wat makes her to believe in a guy which i haf never even see him before. wat makes her believe in a stranger than her own cousin. like wat i told stacey, is ALL MY FAULT. my karma is punishing on me.

saw my cousin last nite at hougang mall, somehow can sense that she no longer want to tok to mi anymore. she dun even want to look at me for the second time. i did try my best, i send sms to her, send her greeting cards as i always does. since she dun 1 2 have anythin to do with me. then shall be, it seems to me tat everi since SH is gone things in my life has change. i can no longer click with my sec sch friends, no longer who i can confide with. i could only blog or rather write in my diary. for sure im a loner. or rather a anti social after all. it use to be my wish to stay together with my friends, go trip with my friends. but rite now, i seems to a invisible after all. no one will ever remember who m i. maybe i shld change my name to Chen Xinyi. she's a ger who no one will ever notice her existence. i think my fate is the same as her in the Taiwan TV Drama. in work is the same as in my personal life. will i ever be remember by my friends or they dun even will remember it.

My heart no longer pumps, no longer looking forward to a brand new day. for me i only noe u wun noe wat happen tml. maybe tis min im here and the next min im gone. tis has been my thinkin ever since the early start of the yr. feel like i've having depression haha... have been thinkin those bad things. i wish i can go back to the sec sch time where all the friends are always hang together. or i rather not to be born in this world. i want to be love, i want to be notice by ppl, but all is not goin to come true.

My heart is experiencing abit of pain, is this a hinting to me that treasure everi min n everi sec i have in my life??? or is it telling me that i won't be able to survive to witness i set up a family of my own???

whenever i see stacey blog i felt more n more outsider, watever they tok i dun understand a word at all. is it bcoz im the one who let go of everi thing. once mirror broken no matter hw u mend it stil have a scar no longer can be the same as last time.