rely

dar, i rely on you so much ever since we got married. you do everything i don't even need to do anything at all. from housework to fetching the kids to buying food for them etc.. all are done by you. you are the best man that i have ever know in my life. is it heaven see that im too used to having such a good life thus take you away from me. and makes me start everything over again. last time when im single i do all household in hougang because ah ma is old. now i got to redo all the household again. haiz dar i saw the sleepwear u wore the night before hanging at the stand there. i immediately take n sniff n then kept it inside the wardrobe. i intend to vacuum pack the towel, the clothes and even the pillow case. i want to maintain the last scent of you. i even have the thought of bringing it with me when i die the next time i sound pervert but thats the only way i can have it this way, i don't wish to and i don't want to touch or throw any of your things away. i have been crying on and off for the past 2 weeks. whenever i think of you i just cry. i cant help it or control it. the tears just cant but flowing down. whenever people ask about you i will talk until cry. my heart feel so empty feel so lonely. whenever i see the wallpaper is you i'm always missing you. feel like hugging you again. will we ever meet again ma. will we still meet again the next life? i still want to be with you i still want to marry you. the remaining days or life without you around feels weird and lonely. like what owen say de feel so lonely without you around. yes i agree with him. coz deep down in my heart i do feel lonely. im so loss without you around. im just like a baby need to learn everything. you make me rely on you so much until now im so not used to it. you never pre-empt me that is time for me to be independent. is never easy for me and for my mental health. i know i need to seek help, i need to go for counselling for myself also. after i settle down i will seek appointment at the grief support group. i duno if they can help me. but i know im not alone im just not used to it. coz we are together for so many years and suddenly im alone.